“

Remember that your life is like a walking-infomercial about Jesus. Your actions will speak so much louder than your words, so live in a way that shows them the wonderful, loving God we serve.

“

When you go to reunions with other alumni and everyone sings sorority songs at the top of their lungs you silently move your lips hoping to fool everyone that you still remember the words.

“

1. The Elephant Walk…This is sort of like the Human Centipede, only it involves naked males and their thumbs, penises, anuses, and mouths.

“

There are so many dressings on the table. Only psychopaths have that many salad dressings.

“

Pumpkin-flavored beer is in the fridge, fall officially starts tomorrow, and tonight is the premiere for “American Horror Story” creator Ryan Murphy’s brand new horror comedy series.

“

It’s true that I never truly experienced everything Greek life has to offer because I was not a legitimate member, but it’s also true that those four years were still phenomenal.

“

Recently, it was brought to my attention that I am “becoming a stereotype.”

“

Levels by Avicii on repeat while you chug Natty Lite and/or jungle juice in 2010.