Maybe the world needs us over analyzers in order to shift its own thinking and make people see beyond the horizon, or maybe they need us to believe in something that isn’t just a mirage. I think these side effects from a medicine that only the brave are willing to take, are set in our minds for a reason.
No one would ever guess you have social anxiety. People with social anxiety never utter a peep, right? So, your 15-minute story definitely eliminates any possibility for you to be anxious. HAH, you wish! Little do those around you know, the constant chatter and jokes coming from you is far from an indication of confidence. More like the result of not being able to contain the disorganized mess that is your racing thoughts.
If you love them enough to want to sleep next to them every night, you love them enough to get through this. Tell them that. They’ll be grateful.
Thousands of people were starting to follow my journey, so I was quick to justify my behavior and tell myself that I was doing a good thing. I wasn’t taking into effect that I had developed a serious social anxiety, especially when food was involved.
You hate small talk because there is no way out of it. There’s no escape. There’s no way to plan what they are going to say or ask of you. It makes you incredibly nauseous and sweaty. It can even cause you to have a panic attack.
Your self esteem has always been low, but as you have grown up and had relationships and breakups and heartaches, it has plummeted. You never think you’re good enough for anyone and you continually question why people even hang out with you.
I am done apologizing for my anxiety and depression — they are part of me. And because of them I have been forced to be okay with me, myself, and I. Alone in this mad world of unexpected panic and feeling as if I’m literally going to die, or finding a dark room more pleasant than the sun.
You reread every text message five times. You look at old messages. You never know what to say.
I can’t help this chemical imbalance. I can’t make it go away. So it’s true, I’d be a completely different person without my anxiety. I’d be brighter and shinier, like brand new shoes from DSW. I’d be so vibrant.
I hate waiting for replies. I hate spending the time between messages wondering if I said something stupid and if the other person is going to hate me for it.
