This isn’t about what’s fair. It’s about what we can afford. And we can’t afford to pretend it’s fine that everything we do or think is somehow wrong. We can’t afford to act like it’s okay that “Girls can do anything!” got translated somewhere along the line into “Women must do everything.” We can’t afford to live lives we have to fool our own central nervous systems into tolerating.
Addicts are particularly afflicted but it also means we are especially prone to shininess. The further down you’ve gone, the further up you get to go.
I spent two weeks without any alcohol—and my head stopped hurting in the morning and I didn’t throw up in any kitchen sinks and I didn’t have to make any phone calls to apologize and I didn’t eat a spring roll while sitting on the floor of my shower and I didn’t ever at all think it was an appropriate idea to FaceTime the guy I used to like three times at 3:34AM. I just felt fine.
My journey to sobriety happened in phases. No longer feeling the void from a previous night of drugs and alcohol is what true freedom has meant for me.
Fall in love with the hours and the time spent actually producing and doing. Don’t fantasize about what life will be like when you reach the goal, but maintain the sobriety of process and action.
To my surprise, life did not magically fall into place once when I stopped drinking. In fact, for a little while, it got much worse.
When I talk about sobriety, I don’t solely mean the abstinence of alcohol, but the sobriety of our thoughts. The sobriety of how we approach the world and makes sense of the events around us.
Society has raised us to question those who are even the slightest bit different from us
Losing substances that were my crutch for so long was sad, life-altering, and transformative. It also proved to me just how embedded alcohol and drugs were in my life.
I couldn’t stand to not feel numb. The only time I felt like I could breathe was when the fizz of a cool drink was swimming down my throat.