“

“I accidentally grabbed Renée Zellweger’s boob.”

“

“Critics say it’s illegal for Donald Trump to run for president while hosting a TV show. It’s also illegal to run for president if your hair wasn’t born in this country.”

“

Snoop Dogg should become CEO of Twitter and I’m about to tell you why.

“

“It’s hard to be mean when you’re stoned.” —Bill Lee

“

“I’ll be happy when she leaves the state and goes and plays with Snoop Dogg and her friends because she’ll be better suited for that than our little neighborhood here in Alaska.”

“

’15 Bonnie & Clyde

“

He was definitely violating the fire code.

“

They titled it HANGOVER.

“

1. The ginger seal.

“

I can actually think of a couple good reasons to not wear a flower headband; namely, allergies.