“

“I gave my boyfriend a BJ in the changing room cause I needed to convince him to buy a new pair of jeans.”

“

In a world where there are a bazillion gorgeous bottle-blonde big boob babes, what makes her so different?

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Showing skin. You’re allowed to show off your cleavage and your legs and your stomach and your goddamn shoulders. If you’re most comfortable in short, skintight clothing, then don’t let anybody stop you from wearing it.

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Give a blowjob when you shouldn’t. Like when he’s driving or when he’s on the phone with his boss.

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I know that I’m allowed to want to just get laid. I know that it’s okay for a woman to want lots of casual sex. I know that nobody in my close circle would mind or judge me for it.

“

My loins trembled as the scent of toupee adhesive and spray tan swept through my nasal cavity. I wanted nothing more than to turn around and see the golden god behind these scents, but I couldn’t move.

“

1. Message dozens of girls on dating sites with the exact same opening message in an attempt to start conversation. Do your hands not feel dirty hitting copy + paste a hundred times on the same corny pickup line?

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I am no more sexually available—I am no sluttier—in my shortest skirt than I am in my baggiest sweats.

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“A woman who scares the shit out of boys.”

“

My mother would suggest that if I walked around in short skirts then I would get what was coming to me.