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The first time I got drunk and threw up was the first time I was abroad: I was in Prague, and I was 17. I lied and told the people I was with that I had been drunk before, but I hadn’t and I overdid it. I very clearly remember puking, and thinking to myself, “Well, this is stupid.”

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Remember the time that high school was cancelled because of SARS and it was just So. Much. Drama. The girl who sat next to you in IB History asked if she could get her sanitary-mask in paisley. You said “probably.”

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1. She throws a tantrum when she doesn’t get her own way. Her hockey team lost, which makes it time to smash in windows and steal nothing but Louis Vuitton bags and Pringles. Sounds a lot like retail therapy.