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My only choices were you, or the Clippers. You were the easy choice, though, as my big brother’s favorite player was Magic “I laid the pipe down one too many times” Johnson.

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Here’s the concept. Select a 12-man roster, choosing only from players who’ve competed in Olympic basketball for Team USA, since 1992.

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You may find yourself at some boring cocktail party… and find the need to bluff your way out with some basketball talk. And so, I’m here to help.

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During the final two days before election day, Shaq goes so far as to dedicate over 60 percent of his tweets to explicitly urging his followers to “pls use #ShaqmentDay hashtags in yalls tweets yall.” Later, analysts will refer to this as “troubling and [indicating that he was] possibly deranged.”