I was paid a lot to read excerpts from the new testament to one guy while I poured really hot water onto him. That one takes the cake for the creepiest.
The acquaintance who only likes me when I’m drunk. I, too, only like me when I’m drunk, but there is no amount of alcohol that will make me forget all the times you pretended you didn’t know me when I saw you out in public. What, you can’t even wave? Get your beer breath away from me.
This girl knows what she’s doing.
Never, ever ask the victim questions like, “What were you wearing?” I often tell people that if I walk down the street naked, it is not an invitation to have sex with me and it is certainly not consent.
It’s possible to orgasm just from your imagination.
“Just love them, seriously. Tell them you love them. Take their face in your hands and say the words.”
That ominous feeling that the world is going to end soon comes easily when you don’t have a plastic sex toy, or a living sex toy, to occupy your time.
Aquarius: You’re really affectionate and you want to be able to show that.
I don’t want to know how he longs to feel my body, but how he wants to touch my heart. How he wants to learn my mind, who I am, what I believe, what I think about, what I love.