“

I have to rewrite texts ten times before sending, because I am always worried about saying the wrong thing.

“

I feel like I’ve lived a million lives since the days of living in the proverbial closet in high school.

“

I read once that every relationship could be defined as a power struggle, with the winner being the one who cared about the other the least. I lost.

“

Do you have bad reception? Because I think we’re breaking up.

“

“It was simply the ‘brick wall’ effect. When we tried penetration, my vagina just shut him out.”

“

If he misses work, it’s your fault for not waking him up. If he yells, it’s your fault for getting him angry. He refuses to take responsibility for his own actions. 

“

When they ask if you’re jealous and you say yes (even if you’re totally not) because you know it will make them feel a little bit better about themselves.

“

Friends don’t pick and choose when to answer texts. 

“

I picked up this awful habit of adopting your music taste without fully realizing what I was doing. You’d listen to a song and it’d be stuck in my head for days, so I’d add it to my Spotify playlist and try to convince myself it wasn’t just because it reminded me of you.

“

A man who gives a lady money but gets no sugar.