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I have to rewrite texts ten times before sending, because I am always worried about saying the wrong thing.

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I feel like I’ve lived a million lives since the days of living in the proverbial closet in high school.

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I read once that every relationship could be defined as a power struggle, with the winner being the one who cared about the other the least. I lost.

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Do you have bad reception? Because I think we’re breaking up.

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“It was simply the ‘brick wall’ effect. When we tried penetration, my vagina just shut him out.”

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If he misses work, it’s your fault for not waking him up. If he yells, it’s your fault for getting him angry. He refuses to take responsibility for his own actions. 

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When they ask if you’re jealous and you say yes (even if you’re totally not) because you know it will make them feel a little bit better about themselves.

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Friends don’t pick and choose when to answer texts.