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You’re actually trying to escape from yourself, not the place where you live.

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Take 100% responsibility for myself and my situation. No excuses. No shame. No blame. If it’s going to be, it’s up to me.

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I am empty beds. The safe bet. The road well-traveled.
I am spilt wine and sweaty dance floors.
I am the victim and the perpetrator.

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Absolutely, positively, never.

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I’m a charming man, easy to fall for but just barely, fleetingly. It becomes clear to women that I am dangerous. I am too critical of everything and everyone, myself included.

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Love accepts and embraces. Love doesn’t judge; it doesn’t own. Self-loathing judges and owns. Ego judges and owns. Love, well, loves.

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Veronica is beautiful. She is talented. I first noticed her because she is training to be an opera singer. Her passion for a classic art form is enchanting. She runs half-marathons and introduced me to spinach smoothies.

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Initially I came to this community searching for love, intimacy and brotherhood. In return, I got shade, infidelity, loneliness and disunity. The self-loathing in this community forces you to encounter a series of broken men who are self-destructive, hurtful, cruel and vindictive towards one another.

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Thank you for hurting me and pushing me, making me into the warrior I am today. The world gives hard lives to those that have the capacity to survive it. So excuse me while I prove the world right, and prove y’all wrong.

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A day was eventually set for my self-termination. When the day came it felt strange because I was happy. This part will always stand out to me, that I was joyous — excited, even.