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These are our anthems. These are our reasons for the season.

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If I ever (even jokingly) aspire to marry my baby off to a software salesman from Indiana end my life pls. This is very creepy!!!!

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Emily’s occupation is ‘twin’ and she is coming on the show with her twin sister.

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Everyone gets lonely sometimes, even the popular people who seem glutted with interpersonal relationships and regular human contact. It’s perfectly natural to feel alone, though not at all enjoyable.

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I don’t drink for fun.

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Every time anyone anywhere dies, your phone issues a bloodcurdling shriek, and the deceased’s name, age, and cause of death appears on your screen.

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Once again, Corporate America tries to sell us on the notion you need a specific item to fulfill a given function when you can use practically anything soft to substitute for a pillow: a pile of grocery bags, pumpkin guts, leaves, even your own arm.

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And so — now what?

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On the SIXTH DAY of spring break I got out of bed before noon believing that it’s dumb and futile to be so depressed just because everything seems dumb and futile. There’s no way that ‘everything seeming dumb and futile’ isn’t liberating in a lot of ways.

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…We’re all suffering. Just ask the Internet.