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These are our anthems. These are our reasons for the season.

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If I ever (even jokingly) aspire to marry my baby off to a software salesman from Indiana end my life pls. This is very creepy!!!!

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Emily’s occupation is ‘twin’ and she is coming on the show with her twin sister.

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Everyone gets lonely sometimes, even the popular people who seem glutted with interpersonal relationships and regular human contact. It’s perfectly natural to feel alone, though not at all enjoyable.

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I don’t drink for fun.

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Every time anyone anywhere dies, your phone issues a bloodcurdling shriek, and the deceased’s name, age, and cause of death appears on your screen.

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Once again, Corporate America tries to sell us on the notion you need a specific item to fulfill a given function when you can use practically anything soft to substitute for a pillow: a pile of grocery bags, pumpkin guts, leaves, even your own arm.

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And so — now what?