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There’s no greater stroke of the ego than listening to a man’s breath catch in his throat from the mere feeling of your body.

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It’s all about the stickers and emojis. Typing is so 2013!

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14. You really hope your (future) kids like Easy Mac.

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Choice distress: You can’t even decide which app to use, let alone which restaurant you want to order from.

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There’s some really nice things to hear in NYC.

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I wonder what I’ll get next?

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If I had my way, I would NEVER call my gynecologist back.

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3. Instead of monopolizing your time, Seamless actually frees it up — Now you can focus on more important things, like Instagram and your Netflix queue.

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7. Issuing a moratorium on the word “abuzz.”

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You just don’t really like anyone. At least not more than your Tempur-Pedic pillow.