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You’re tired of consuming junk. You want a sex life that’s organic and locally-sourced and grass-fed. You want boring and predictable sex at 9:30pm before bed. A chore that’s like brushing your teeth.

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For all you young, tech-savvy twenty-somethings, allow me to blow your mind about courting, pre-2003, in the days when you met someone in a natural, organic way.