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You’re totally going to throw up tonight!

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These recommendations are for the weekend: Friday May 31, 2013 thru Sunday June 2, 2013.

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Monday is like touching a scalding hot seatbelt buckle. It’s dropping your toast, jelly side down or making toast and realizing you’re out of jelly. Monday is the opposite of bacon and the first cousin of black licorice.

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These recommendations are for the weekend: Friday May 3, 2013 thru Sunday May 5, 2013.

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Will you still be interested in all of the things I have to say, all of the coincidences we took as divine intervention last night when we were only so happy to tell each other how we feel?

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Maybe you would have had a good time, seeing friends you’ve been blowing off lately, catching up, maybe some light flirting would be fun, even if it’s meaningless.

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Remember those glorious Saturday mornings from your childhood? Rising early, grabbing an oversized bowl of sugary cereal, plopping down on the couch and indulging in classic cartoons was a tradition for many of us.

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Keep in mind that for every minute of actual fun you have on Sunday evening/night, you shall pay threefold on Monday morning.

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Herein begins one of the most controversial sections of the song: The rap. Featuring an African American man in his mid 30s, audiences expect this lyrical maestro to hop on the flow and “break it down.” He evokes the muses by calling for “R-B,” but what follows can only be described as gibberish.