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“Touching me anywhere at all. Men: sit on your hands if you have to but do not touch a girl on the first date. She will touch you if she likes you.”

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Here, ranked in order from most to least expensive, are super-lame yet super-rare vinyl LPs that cost more than your monthly rent.

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“Baby talk. I want you to sound like a woman, not a child.”

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“She didn’t know how to insert a tampon.”

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“He didn’t understand the concept of time zones and thought people in a different time zone could tell the future. The whole relationship was a mistake.”

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“On Throwback Thursday, I like to comment, ‘Wow! You used to be so pretty!’”

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“She cashed a check and when they asked if she wanted big or small bills, she said regular size.”

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“He thought New York City was in California.”

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Sarcastic girls can come across as heartless. As cold. As cruel. They might look like they don’t give a fuck about anyone or anything — but that is far from the truth. 

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“She thought Egypt was in Europe. When I said it was in Africa, she asked, ‘Wait, when did they move it?'”