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“There’s no one left to finger.”

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1. You can’t turn on the TV without feeling someone else’s pain.

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I love crying. Sometimes, I feel like a good cry, and I just get all hopped up on Death Cab and heartwarming puppy rescue videos on YouTube and have a nice sob for a half hour or so.

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Sarah McLachlan had a pet rabbit named Mr. Buns that she’d found hopping down the street one day and somehow managed to capture. I say “somehow” because he was not the nicest critter.

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Or, like, your second-craziest dream. In this one, Justin Bieber gets nominated for yet another award that he will obviously win because pop culture is ruled by tweenagers who don’t believe in music, and then NO, GUESS WHAT, Neil Young, the godfather of grunge, wins it. That happened. Actually.