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We’re going to make this really special.

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A long overdue slap in the Facebook to the lie that “men don’t read”: We couldn’t ask for a better bookish role model than Mark Zuckerberg. The challenge for the publishing industry is to use Zuck’s “Year of Books” to build our male readership.

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“It’s time to back off a bit on the arguments for self-publishing,” says author-activist Hugh Howey. “It’s over. We can coexist now.” And with that, one of the most prominent of the indie authors in self-publishing today calls on his followers to hold their fire. The most important points, Howey says, have been made and understood.

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Here at Thought Catalog however, where thoughts are thinked, we will not stand for it.

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“Hush, dear,” he said. “No one must know I’m here. You see, I came to you because I heard you’re the best. The Golden Globes are tonight and, well, I want to re-emerge into the movie industry with a bang—no! A bun! A man bun, is what I meant.”

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Let me be (not even remotely) the first to say: Feria, burn in hell for convincing so many unsuspecting people that ombre hair is a thing can be successfully accomplished at home.

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Simply put, dying our hair greatly enhances the magnetic attraction of our physical selves. Or rather, if I were to speak in a realistic manner, it makes us think we are more beautiful than we actually are.

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Oh HELL no.