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Try to live your life with ONE HUNDO PERCENT honesty. When you do this, every experience just opens up to you.

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You will probably get fired.

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A few weeks ago, I participated in my FIRST EVER comedy show at Housing Works Bookstore. The theme was Love, Sex And The Internet: OKCupid and while I had never been on an OKCupid date before, I have had a traumatizing experience with an online matchmaking website.

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You can’t survive in the modern world without some basic texting comprehension skills. In fact, they should really start offering it as a major at some liberal arts college. At the very least, you could take what you’ve learned and just make videos like the one I did below.

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Look, I’ll be real with you: I have no idea what straight sex is like. The closest I’ve ever gotten to a vagina is my mom’s and that was 25 years ago. I imagine it to be a lot of unflattering facial expressions though. I mean, am I wrong? Tell me!

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I talk a lot about Facebook. I know honey but can you blame me? People spend more time with/on Facebook than they do with most of their friends. It has singlehandedly shaped the social lives of my peers. It’s the Charlie to all of our angels.

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This week really proved to be the gift that kept on giving with Ashley Judd’s amazing “I went to Sarah Lawrence and majored in Having Opinions” feminist essay, the leaked naked Zac Efron pics, and the SNL performance from the gay dancing troupe One Direction!

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I’m back y’all, reporting from pop culture’s garbage to give you the lowdown on what’s hot and what’s not. This week I’ve decided that gay priests (the ones who don’t touch ten year old boys) are totally hot along with the miracle sleeping drug Benadryl, and house parties!

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This week, I’ll be giving you unsolicited opinions on horrifying trends such as flour bombing and fat shaming small children! Don’t even THINK about leaving your apartment to go out before you watch this. You just might say the wrong thing at your pretentious dinner party and be outcasted forever!

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Because I’m such a giver and just want to help people, I’ve decided to compile my weekly picks for what’s hot and what’s not, so you can successfully navigate the internet’s ever-changing tastes.