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I’ve decided to cheer up myself and celebrate the modern Hollywood blockbuster by unveiling the plot to a new epic feature film that has yet to be written.

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This is not progress.

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Why do the major networks keep recycling the same dozen or so actors in bad shows? There are so many talented daytime soap stars dying to transition into prime-time TV. Film stars whose big-screen roles have begun to dry up, so TV is looking like a better option.