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“What’s your name?…What do people call ya? Melanie, Mel, BIG Mel, Amazon? HA.”

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It’s an old story, the idea that if you don’t make a stand when you hear something wrong you’re as guilty as the perpetrator.

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Three months ago I began training for a half-marathon. At first I thought the canal would be a great place to run, but I was wrong.

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Today everybody’s like, “You shouldn’t judge people, man. You don’t know who they are or where they come from.”

But I call bullshit on that.

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What do you want me to say—“YES I’m so tired” followed by a long, long, long sob story as to why?

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Gets there late. Leaves early.

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I will give you $75 to stop calling people.

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Don’t ever tell me “Ugh, I have NO money” when you’re wearing a Marc Jacobs dress. You know who has your money? Marc Jacobs and your parents. Go get it back from them and stop pretending like you’re broke.