“

“Kill her. No-no-no. Yes – I love getting away with it, no – I can’t she’s my friend. Tonight – yes, yes – no.”

“

4. It feels like you’re kicking goals when you traipse out to Ikea with your best mate and stock up on fresh bedding, towels, fake flowers and scented candles. It’s amazing how such trivial ornaments help convince you life’s coming together.

“

They’re awesome. Need I say more?

“

He lives with me, here in this apartment. I can hear his voice through the walls. Sometimes it shouts; other times it coos with affection.

“

I quickly learned that this was standard operating procedure for the MicMan. He would hit the bars at 7, get Lindsay Lohan level intoxicated, then come back to our dorm and throw it all up onto our poor, innocent carpeting.