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Both “The Donald” and “The Chickenman” share weird nicknames that begin with “the,” they are both business owners, and both parrot the same old tired self-centered idiocy over and over again.

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Less “oopsy,” unwanted children means less children growing up neglected by too busy parents, in poverty, inevitably eating up more and more resources and producing more and more garbage in a landfill.

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Romney may already be a pot smoker. I know what you’re thinking – Mormons can’t drink Diet Coke, I’m pretty sure they’re not allowed low-level narcotics. Well… we have photographic evidence.

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You can apply what you’ve learned from Women’s Studies to any situation — it’s not so much a career choice as it is a life choice; you’re adopting a new perspective that you’ll use in every relationship, every job, and every circumstance.

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Welcome to the small town of Obamaville: a ghost town populated by abandoned playgrounds, crows, and televisions playing constant footage of Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

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Every year my mom pays the ten dollars to buy me a spot in my family’s annual March Madness bracket; every year I begrudgingly fill the thing out because of its potential to win me a couple hundred dollars. Upon deciding to have fun with my picks this year, I came up with this list of methods I may or may not employ. Feel free to use them, but please don’t blame me when you come in last in your office pool.

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All I’ve wanted to do this past week is take Cynthia Nixon out, buy her a cappuccino and a scone, and spend an hour or so commiserating over how awful people can be.

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The 2012 presidential election has already become a media circus. The Republicans have debated each other roughly once a day for the past seven years, and the actual voting doesn’t take place for another eleven months.