“

18. He got his chewing gum stuck in my bush.

“

I don’t have a vagina. But if I did have one, I’m pretty sure I’d think twice before I started shoving all sorts of weird stuff in there like it was an extra pocket made out of flesh.

“

Michael Jackson is in a relationship with Lisa Marie Presley.

“

Sophomore year of college at Oberlin, I went through an androgynous/sexually-experimental phase wherein my friends helped me buzz off all of my hair, starting with the ponytail.