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The office of the presidency is where men are supposed to make history, not illegitimate babies.

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It was so gratifying to know that I’m alone and responsible for myself; adulthood has more concrete joys than childhood any day.

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Ronna turned to me and asked, “Do you know how to make a guy come?”

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Don Draper is watching his wife Megan get ready to film an ad for Baxter shoes. She’s dressed in a mock-European folk costume consisting of a canary blouse, scarlet dirndl and floral headdress.

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As I said to Avis last night while we were lying on the floor, smoking grass and watching the Peking airport ceremonies, it’s so freaky seeing these Chinese soldiers, whom we’ve been taught to fear as our mortal enemies, playing “The Star-Spangled Banner.”

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I came home and watched soap operas that I hadn’t seen in month. Nothing has changed.

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It’s 420! Time to take mile-long walks into the woods, lock yourself up in the basement, climb into your treehouse, or go wherever the hell it is you have to hide out to smoke weed these days.

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I don’t know about you, but the New Year’s resolution I make most often while watching the fireworks is that I need to watch more fireworks. They are so absorbing that I completely ignore whoever I’m standing with, and if someone even dares to talk to me, I simply mutter, “Please, shut up.”

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This is ironic, considering the two leaders Obama invoked most often during the 2008 presidential campaign were Lincoln and King—both of whom suffered from mental illness. (Lincoln suffered from chronic depression all throughout his life; King attempted suicide twice during his adolescence, and experienced periods of depression and mania throughout his adult life.)

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Here are a few imagined past US presidents’ Twitter musings, had these men been privileged enough to experience the world of microblogging and oversharing culture in their time as presidents of the United States of America. Please forgive any historical innacuracies–this contributor was a psychology major.