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I was cautiously guarded, like a shelter dog who’s been adopted and returned one too many times. I can no longer give you my heart, Capcom. You have stomped on it again and again.

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The Kourtney Kardashian of the video game world, Luigi has struggled for years to make a name for himself and be taken seriously as an entertainer.

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If you can read between the lines like I can, there are all sorts of things to get offended by.

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I think it’s hot when girls smoke. As long as they don’t LOOK like they smoke. Do you know what I mean? Like if they have yellow teeth and are real stinky, that’s no good. For me the ideal smoking lady looks like Jackie O and just lounges around all day in tight sweaters with a cig hanging from her well-manicured fingers.