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If you want a healthy long-term relationship, you can’t pick and choose which pieces of your partner’s past to accept while dismissing others (like that one particularly loathsome cunt they almost proposed to in college) as repugnant or unmentionable.

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Ah, the glory of the insta-relationship — we didn’t have to waste time with trivial things like getting to know each other or falling in love.

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My boyfriend slept with my roommate right before we started dating. He still doesn’t know this but she got pregnant and had an abortion.