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I don’t think we need to involve yetis or aliens or Soviet super weapons.

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She joked that she heard something outside and me being a bit silly opened the blinds up wide as a joke and there was a guy just standing there staring into the lounge room.

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Absolute power of the people.

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We almost got taken.

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Lock your doors.

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“The Tamam Shud case. Unknown body found on an Australian beach. No sign of foul play or drowning and had a strange coded message in his pocket.”

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Three words: Deep-frying turkey. It’s a good thing we decided to do it in the driveway, instead of in the garage.

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Make a list of everything you want in a partner. You know you’ve found the right person not when they tick every box on that list – but when you throw that list away.

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“Loads of money. I had a guy once take me out on a date and kept flashing his large wad of cash. It doesn’t impress me at all. I have my own money. Your money doesn’t do anything for me.”

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Block their number. Not as an insult, not to be hateful. Because you don’t need to talk to them, you don’t need to frantically check your phone every time it makes a noise, and you sure as hell don’t need to drunk text or call them.