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So I went to my first drag event a couple of nights ago with some friends. It was interesting, to say the least.

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I have been thinking a lot about the way we wield words—and the way we wield words when we are threatened or feel defensive, when we feel someone has hurt, offended, or upset us. I have been trying to pinpoint the emotional wells that make us tap into abrasive language that we may otherwise skip.

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When you have been told that you can measure the strength of your sense of “community” by your proximity to a gay bar, it is hard to break the habit and to ask where else can we get to know each other.

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We’re all the same. We’re all very different. Both statements are true. And they don’t necessarily disprove each other. You can be the same and different congruently. Sameness is not total. It’s a matter of degrees.