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I went to the South Florida Gay Pride Festival, held at the Hollywood Sportatorium. Almost immediately, I saw a familiar face: an ex-student of mine whose name I couldn’t remember. Hand in hand with his boyfriend, and wearing an “I’m Proud to Be Gay” button and a huge grin, the kid had dignity.

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“The male prostate gland can help produce orgasms so intense, farmers who live two counties over from yours will hear you screaming in pleasure.”

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1. BANANA-PEEL RENDEZVOUS “As an intensely dumb and horny male teen, I was constantly masturbating. It was so bad, I was literally in pain if I wasn’t busy pleasuring myself.

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1. His Nipples

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Ladies, you need to print out this list and tape it to your headboard.

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28. Spell out the alphabet with your tongue.