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“Start like a butterfly landing on a flower, finish like a bulldog eating mayonnaise.”

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“He had the worst breath I’ve ever smelled and horrible body odor.”

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“You should never let a man touch your vagina if there’s even the slightest chance he could have hot sauce on his hands.”

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The first few months to a year of a relationship are supposed to be the honeymoon period. You’re supposed to become more intimate as this period progresses. The sex is supposed to be a lot of fun. For me it isn’t.

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1. Getting oral from him was like watching someone really, really disagree with my vagina “My ex was not so much in the bedroom. Getting oral from him was like watching someone really, really disagree with my vagina.

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“After an hour, it really isn’t doing anything for me and I find myself just looking at the clock.”

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“I’m pretty sure she told me she was on the Pill.”

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18. He got his chewing gum stuck in my bush.

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“The opening of the vagina is lower than expected.”