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The show is full of that tiddlewinky Bravo interlude music that is supposed to indicate an awkwardly funny moment, or just an awkward moment, but what the show is really trying to do is create a very steep arc out of relatively flat situation.

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Cruise: Just, you know, that I’m a moving target, that I’m the prey of every pedophile that ever walked this earth, that I’m destined for drug addiction at ten and prostitution at 11 and an Oscar at 14.

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You live for a Sonja Morgan or Kim Richards moment and try to live your life according to their strict moral code. At bars, you and your friends will get into fake fights and channel Camille Grammer, screaming “You’ve got to start being honest because that’s not cool!”