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Say, “If we broke up, I would get back with my ex.” And see his reaction before reminding him that he would be your ex if you broke up.

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Place red Kool-Aid in the shower head so the next person to turn on the water will be drenched in what looks like blood. 

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A plane crashes on the border of the U.S. and Canada. Where do they bury the survivors?

You do not bury the survivors!

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So, this is the sushi chef.

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Honestly, I’m so glad I’m not this dude’s friend.

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“I have hidden a tiny speaker in an adjacent cubicle wall that emits a soft cat meow every two hours.”

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“On Throwback Thursday, I like to comment, ‘Wow! You used to be so pretty!’”

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If you do happen to receive a dick pic — and you also happen to be dastardly evil — you could do what this person did.

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I’d shake them out of my shoes in the morning and find them on the clothes I took out my closet. They’d drop down from the ceiling when I was in the shower and I could never sit still for more than a few minutes without feeling one somewhere on my body.

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April 1, 2004: Oprah Winfrey becomes the fourth member of the Holy Trinity.