“

“Well, you’re dressed nicely today. You don’t look like you’re struggling.” Oh, I’m sorry, should I have shown up in pajamas with greasy hair and body odor?

“

Your attitude makes a world of a difference in the way you experience life, and for me, gratitude is the best attitude.

“

Keep growing. Keep waiting for that day that fabled teenage sex-drive kicks in for you and you find the opposite sex irresistible. Keep waiting.

“

We grow up inundated with messages about how there is someone for everyone. These messages are horseshit.

“

Someone scolds me, saying I should be grateful to have such an accepting mother. I could write a hundred lists about why she is a great parent, none of which include loving me “despite” being gay.

“

It’s not often that one realizes they’re depressed. Depression is an uninvited guest that doesn’t call in advance of its arrival or knock on your door; it slips right in, unbidden, and stays.

“

Sometimes I feel like a giant living in a playpen, which not only fulfills some sort of weird childhood Tommy Pickles fantasy but also serves as a wonderful contrast to the sobering “bills/responsibilities/loneliness” aspects of living by oneself.

“

Comparatively, I got off lucky. The average 419 scam victim loses $6,542, whereas I “only” lost $2,650.

“

For those who have lost a father, Father’s Day is a day for everyone else to remember what you think about everyday. But for next year, I say: go on — take your dad for granted. I give you permission to do nothing special for him, to treat him exactly like you always have.

“

High school is not better. The Neanderthals all have deep voices, all the better to woo the ladies, and your queer little chortle hasn’t nudged a bit. You worry because you’ve got hair in all the right places and you’re taller than everyone else and, is this it? This is what you were waiting for?