“Well, you’re dressed nicely today. You don’t look like you’re struggling.” Oh, I’m sorry, should I have shown up in pajamas with greasy hair and body odor?

To who I thought I could be, I am tired of comparing myself to you.

Your attitude makes a world of a difference in the way you experience life, and for me, gratitude is the best attitude.

Keep growing. Keep waiting for that day that fabled teenage sex-drive kicks in for you and you find the opposite sex irresistible. Keep waiting.

We grow up inundated with messages about how there is someone for everyone. These messages are horseshit.

Someone scolds me, saying I should be grateful to have such an accepting mother. I could write a hundred lists about why she is a great parent, none of which include loving me “despite” being gay.

It’s not often that one realizes they’re depressed. Depression is an uninvited guest that doesn’t call in advance of its arrival or knock on your door; it slips right in, unbidden, and stays.

Sometimes I feel like a giant living in a playpen, which not only fulfills some sort of weird childhood Tommy Pickles fantasy but also serves as a wonderful contrast to the sobering “bills/responsibilities/loneliness” aspects of living by oneself.

Comparatively, I got off lucky. The average 419 scam victim loses $6,542, whereas I “only” lost $2,650.

For those who have lost a father, Father’s Day is a day for everyone else to remember what you think about everyday. But for next year, I say: go on — take your dad for granted. I give you permission to do nothing special for him, to treat him exactly like you always have.