“

“Family courts have pretty much decided that having a vagina automatically makes you a better, more capable parent.”

“

“Three Tater Tots long and the circumference of one.”

“

“I need to feel my man waayyy up.”

“

Can the eggplant get bigger?

“

“I feel terrible. I love this guy and he does everything he can for me. He’s the perfect partner in almost every way. Unfortunately, his penis is abnormally small, 3 inches erect.”

“

“My penis is about 2.5″ erect. I’ve never told anyone about it. I don’t want anyone to know.”

“

“Why don’t you make noise during sex?”

“

I would later learn, after having sex with him again (because, well, I was bored), that he was aware of his penis size. He was, in no way, in denial about it, because how could he be?