“Family courts have pretty much decided that having a vagina automatically makes you a better, more capable parent.”

“Three Tater Tots long and the circumference of one.”

“I need to feel my man waayyy up.”

Can the eggplant get bigger?

“I feel terrible. I love this guy and he does everything he can for me. He’s the perfect partner in almost every way. Unfortunately, his penis is abnormally small, 3 inches erect.”

“My penis is about 2.5″ erect. I’ve never told anyone about it. I don’t want anyone to know.”

“Why don’t you make noise during sex?”

I would later learn, after having sex with him again (because, well, I was bored), that he was aware of his penis size. He was, in no way, in denial about it, because how could he be?

But how could the most alpha dog, self-assured, cocky male be completely emasculated by any hint that his junk wasn’t up to snuff? Why are men so sensitive about penis size?

This means you, 98% of men around the world.