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1. Oh my god, mom, it’s a built-in wedge.

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Always say you hate the paparazzi, but realize that without the paps, nobody would know who you were, care about you, and without them you would definitely still be back in Chillicothe, Ohio working as a freelance cat sitter.

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When I experienced that blast from your past called “I’m insaneeeeee, help meeeeee” this afternoon, that picture wasn’t telling the story of a pop star acting crazy for attention. Instead it was showing me a 20-something person who was really overwhelmed and clearly having a nervous breakdown. And today I realized: I’ve been there.

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Go to a party and try to find the meanest looking person there. They’ll be on their Blackberry constantly, have a terrible personality, a vague job title, and be surrounded by a large group of people who are clamoring for their attention. Ta-daw! You’ve found someone super famous and important!