“

“A woman smoking a cigarette. Something about a long draw on a cigarette and a long exhale makes a girl 1000% more attractive. Makes no sense, I know, ’cause cancer and so on, but damn.”

“

HOW YOUR SUNBURN DOESN’T EVEN TURN INTO A TAN. It just goes from shades of red to white. It’s so unfair.

“

It’s a tale of a sunscreen SPF overestimation, indolent clouds, and an unexpected face-down ass-up nap in a chaise lounge by the pool. This saga would recount the hours I spent immediately after my sun exposure, during which I increasingly felt crabbier (no pun intended) and crabbier as the full extent of the burn set in.