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“For clarity here, for the record, I have never eaten a booger in my entire life.”

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In the last 24 hours I have fallen or tripped about two or three times in front of friends, random strangers, and even potential soul mates.

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7. Picking their nose.

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Are you listening to this story I’m telling you? Oh you are? I couldn’t tell because you’re literally scraping your eyeballs against the screen of your iPhone.

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You say the shower is for washing? I say it’s for peeing. Dare to tell me otherwise and you’re liable to get peed on.