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At my stage in life, one of my measures of a person’s greatness is whether they treasure the friends they made before they were “somebody.”

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While we’re on the topic of marriage, shout out to the dweebs who update their surname on Facebook moments after saying “I do.” Get off your phone, go back to your wedding, and eat some goddamn sponge cake, will you??

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Competitive people are the worst for so many reasons but one of the major ones is that they’re always trying to one-up their friends. “Oh, you got a boyfriend? Well, last night, I went on two dates with two different people and at the end of it, they both wanted to be my boyfriend so…”