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2. “I have no regrets” is a lie.

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Predictably, “Magritte: The Mystery of the Ordinary” (September 28, 2013–January 12, 2014) at the Museum of Modern Art, packed them in.

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When we go to the top floor – really, the only floor worth visiting at MoMA – I spotted a Miró across the room.

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11. She claims that she didn’t speak for five years. This sounds fake, but it’s so real.

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Appeal to his sensibilities. Use words like athletic grace. Movement. The aggression of the brush against canvas. The dedication of the man for all those years.

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I’m staring at Orestes when I realize my stranger is standing behind me. I don’t see him initially, I just feel him. My body tenses up and I feel excited by the idea that we’re looking at the same thing at the same time and seeing something different. I want to ask him what he thinks, but I stay quiet instead. I don’t want to ruin it.

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In my eyes, a dealbreaker is classified as something that someone says or does on a date that prevents it from ever moving forward. They’re the rules you don’t budge on, the qualities and behavior you deem unacceptable in a potential suitor. It’s funny to find out what people draw the line on, and what kind of things they’ll allow though. Regardless of who you are, here are the five dealbreakers I hope everyone follows.

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If James Franco has a brother, he has an obligation to explore the taboo of incest. It will be strange and shocking. Everyone will be horrified! And there James will be premiering the film, which will be called Even My Brother Wants To Fuck Me at the MoMA acting very satisfied with himself.

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You will be placed in a pen with several models and observed on how you interact with them. Remember, the only reason you’re here in the first place is that you’re not quite attractive enough to be a model. That’s okay, but you should be able to hold your own around them.

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Then there were the Screen Tests, those beautiful, constantly moving cinematic portraits of Andy’s favorite people. Edie Sedgwick was there. Lou Reed and Allan Ginsberg, too. Baby Jane Holzer brushed her teeth over and over for us, an erotic gesture in its own way.