“Touching me anywhere at all. Men: sit on your hands if you have to but do not touch a girl on the first date. She will touch you if she likes you.”
“Family courts have pretty much decided that having a vagina automatically makes you a better, more capable parent.”
“If you’re ugly, then some men will automatically dislike you. If you’re attractive, then some women will automatically dislike you.”
“He would not shut up about how awesome he thought he was.”
“Waking up all sleepy-looking, hair a mess. It’s so…pure.”
“When they yawn and stretch or reach for something high up and their shirts come up a little bit and you can see their stomachs and their happy trail.”
Q: So, masturbation—can you explain what that is like with two vaginas?
A: Not much different. I just get to choose which vagina.
“I have to ask: How do you get hard if your client is unattractive? And how do you keep going if your client is very attractive?”
“Baby talk. I want you to sound like a woman, not a child.”