“

You don’t deserve a one-word text. You don’t deserve a smile. You don’t deserve to be a passing thought in my mind, let alone a reoccurring one I can’t get out of my head. 

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I hope you find yourself again in all this chaos and heartbreak. I hope you fall back into the things you love about life and not just the part of your life you loved someone. I hope you learn to like walking alone and realize you don’t have to be lonely doing so.

“

His words touch me more than his hands can and I have to convince myself that he isn’t just an illusion. He exists as much as my lips can kiss and I’m tonguing down air right now. 

“

It was then that I realized that there was a world bigger than I was, and that was you.

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I let myself think about all of the things that come to mind when people who know our story ask me what the hell I saw in you anyway. And I do remember what I saw in you. I do. 

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Up until yesterday, I was fine.

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Take me back to that Sunday when everything in life felt right, like there was nothing left for us to change as we revealed our deepest fears.

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These are the times, in the abyss of the lightless night; that I realize something deep inside of me is broken. Broken, in a way that I never knew I could break.

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I realized I didn’t miss you, I missed who I had been before you walked into my life all those years ago.

“

Things were flowing smoothly but I had to put my head first before my heart.