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“I laughed and said, Life is easy. What I meant was, Life is easy with you here, and when you leave, it will be hard again.”

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1. Collect distracting objects. 2. Trap them.

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Anyone who likes David Sedaris is automatically good people. If you catch him reading Amy Sedaris, though, you marry him.

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I could probably make this entire list David Sedaris. But I didn’t because I have restraint.

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I spent the entire 90s writing bad fiction. 5 bad novels. Dozens of bad stories. But I learned to handle massive rejection. And how to put two words together. In my head, I won the Pulitzer Prize. But in my hand, over 100 rejection letters.

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From well-known classics to movies you’ve maybe never heard of, here are 10 great indies to check out on Netflix.

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Includes Paul Rudd in an Amnesty International t-shirt drinking OJ out of the carton while Radiohead’s “Fake Plastic Trees” plays in the background.

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“Star Wars: Follow Those Ewoks!” starring Tina Fey? Sure; why the hell not?

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Apparently the only possible reason I could feel this way is because, on some level, I am seething with jealousy and bitter, childish rage over their ability to succeed in the face of my unequivocal failures.

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She saw lots of safe people and she fell asleep and had a dream… And all the safe people woke up and the old man said “Shush, we’re sleeping.” And then everyone, everyone, everyone turned to mustard.