“

“Sex felt like putting a tampon in.”

“

“Three words: three-inch dick.”

“

“I’m super nervous about my penis size.”

“

“I need to feel my man waayyy up.”

“

“He had the worst breath I’ve ever smelled and horrible body odor.”

“

“It’s a choice. Unfortunately, not mine.”

“

“He cried a little bit when I beat him at chess.”

“

“You should never let a man touch your vagina if there’s even the slightest chance he could have hot sauce on his hands.”

“

“I have a third nipple.”

“

“Because she bet me a free pizza that I wouldn’t last five minutes.”