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“There are only two reasons to hate gay marriage. Either you’re dumb, or you’re secretly worried that dicks are delicious.” —Joe Rogan

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Sex and music go together like peanut butter and jelly and disgusting pornographic jokes.

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…But George Clooney? Yes, he’s been rocking salt-and-pepper hair since he became A-list. And yes, he’s clearly out of Zac Efron’s demographic. But he’s the sexiest man alive. How could he be hitting the half-century mark on the day before my birthday?