“

You can’t cure stupid.

“

This situation seems like a pain in the ass.

“

Caller: I need the police, there is a wild rabbit in my garden eating my garden vegetables.

“

You never would’ve expected it from this guy.

“

“As you can see, I’m a bit proximal. How am I now? Oooh, a little distal now. Okay, back a little. Perfect.”

“

Did you know that you go blind for an average of 40 minutes a day?

“

I’m never going to crack my knuckles again.

“

I landed in the hospital for nearly a month. And it’s a strange, strange universe with its own rules.