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Looking back at the last seven presidents, FIVE of them were left-handed or ambidextrous.

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Perez was uneasy, yet friendly. “Oh, haha. Nice to meet you girls.” He learns in closer to us. “So… Where’s Mary-Kate?”

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Kanye West spent thousands of dollars on a new wardrobe for Kim Kardashian. One of my exes still won’t give me a shirt back.

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Decide you have too much wealth to get tied up in earthly obligations. Embark on a journey into different realms. Go realm hoppin.’ Slip into a realm assembled solely out of rhythms and vibrations.

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This world has survived because of the people who were ballsy enough to be like, “Yo, let’s have sex.” If it weren’t for them, our population would crumble and WE WOULD ALL DIE. We’d all be skeletons just waiting by our phones.

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“It’s the curve balls that make life interesting. …And sometimes, if we’re real lucky, there’s a blessing waiting for us at the end of that wrong turn.”

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Here’s a video of Mischa Barton behaving erratically and looking STONED AS HELL while she talks about fashion or Darwinism or whatever. Honestly, I can’t tell if she’s coming up or coming down, but even Marisa Cooper would be frightened and say to her, “GET IT TOGETHER, PSYCHO!”

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I just don’t understand you at all. I remember you being on the cover of Vogue once and even the interviewer was like, “Yeah. Your career’s been kind of a joke. What’s up with that?” And you were like, “IDK. I’m just a homebody, you know?”

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Mary-Kate decided that she didn’t like it when food entered her body anymore so she dropped to a skeletal -50 pounds. She was then sent to rehab in Utah but it didn’t really do anything. She came back still looking insane but people were just like, “Oh Mary-Kate!” and accepted her anorexia.

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In order to dress like an Olsen, you have to want to destroy everything that’s beautiful and expensive so it can look distressed and edgy. Buy a Birkin and have your driver run over it ten times with your Range Rover, curse at it, spit on it and punch someone in the face with it.