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“A boy I liked at school made me feel ‘warm’ between my legs and I thought I peed myself.”

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4. James Dean.

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If you’re going to break up with your boyfriend because he conveniently gets murdered by your husband’s dead mistress’ husband, that’s kiiind of a lot to have on your conscience.

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In 2013, we have our Channing Tatums and our Zac Efrons, but nothing we will ever produce can hold a candle to Montgomery Clift and James Dean. They just don’t make sexy like they used to.

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I know the internet (including myself) is all up on Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Ryan Gosling for being ridiculously, ridiculously good looking, but let’s pay respect to the reigning king of  hot people: Marlon Brando.

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In the spirit of ‘Breaking Bad’ finally (!) winning Best Drama, all the Emmy voters took meth before they cast their ballots.

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Critics are calling ‘Blue Jasmine’ Woody Allen’s ‘A Streetcar Named Desire.’ You don’t invoke Brando unless you mean business.

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Old Hollywood: where men were manlier, the women were womanlier.

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I know that was the right advice to give (almost every dating book I’ve ever read confirms that this “playing hard to get” mess works), but I wanted to stab those words as they were coming out of my mouth like after-birthday-party balloons.

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Yes, it’s Superman! And hey, look at that “S.” That is one impressive “S.” Nice, um, typography.