Love & Sex

The 8 Stages Of Being Dumped

Take down that “taken” status on Facebook. Remove photographic evidence. Break the news to everyone, or at least those that don’t pre-empt you by texting you with a feverish, “OMG I SAW YOU BROKE UP WHAT HAPPENED BRUH?!?!”

Why Do I Do This?

My mind is clogged with abusive chemicals and memories. I am at another party, in the bathroom, darkly dazing at my makeup in the mirror. I look like a pink wolf with cartoon eyes.

Romantic Comedies Vs. Your Actual Life

Some MRA off of Reddit (the only genre of man willing to make such egregious overtures in spite of zero reciprocal feelings) tries to get you to tolerate him enough to agree to a date and reward him for all his hard work and money spent on 1-800-Flowers with a round of reluctant sex.

The Space Where You Used To Be

You patted my arm, as if to tell me that you felt sorry for me with my inexperience, like I’d missed out on a grand and fundamental experience of life. Don’t worry, that pat seemed to say, you’ll get your turn too one day.