“

“Waking up all sleepy-looking, hair a mess. It’s so…pure.”

“

Sexual predators aren’t just creepy men who live down the street or shadowy figures who follow you down alleyways. They’re your classmates, your friends, your family members. Sometimes, they’re your heroes.

“

The way you get good at tennis, comedy, music, nutrition, relationships, is the way you get good at business, success, living a long and healthy life.

“

I tried to be normal and I failed. Believe me, I wish I could succeed at being normal.

“

We all go through rough patches in life, some of us far more frequently than others.

“

“Next time you’re filling out your tax returns just write ‘monkey’ where the year goes. See what happens to your funds.”

“

“It’s work having a vagina. Guys don’t think that it’s work but it is. You think it shows up like that to the event? It doesn’t. Every night it’s like getting it ready for its first Quinceanera, believe me.”

“

You might have thought I’m going to judge Mr. Cosby on his latest sexual assault allegations and make a snap decision that he is guilty and therefore can suck my dick.