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Recently, Louis C.K. responded to the accusations of several different women who have stepped forward with stories of how he assaulted them. People — women — are upset that he never officially apologized.

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You don’t control how you feel towards someone, and that’s exactly why nobody will ever truly understand how or why you feel the way you do.

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Ask yourself, “Who is making more noise, me or the babies on the flight?”

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He tells me he likes my green eyes. We have sex in the back of his car. I’m on top. He sweats a lot.

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Never, ever charge your e-cig with the wrong charger. You might destroy a New York City landmark and blow up one of your favorite stand-up comedians in the process.

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Louis CK is my favorite comedian.

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9. I don’t think women are better than men, I think men are a lot worse than women.

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In the spirit of ‘Breaking Bad’ finally (!) winning Best Drama, all the Emmy voters took meth before they cast their ballots.

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“When you do things right, people won’t be sure you’ve done anything at all.”

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Guess which famous person’s real name is “Olivia Jane Cockburn?”